Why I'm Voting Republican

I'm thinking I will have to vote republican for president this year. Why?

Well, I think the US needs a president who doesn't know how to use a computer. It's only 2008, the intertubes have been easily accessible for about 12 years now, there's no need for someone who will run the country to actually be able to use a computer. Besides, I'm sure his patriotic, America's best interests at heart handlers will tell him everything he needs to know, and it will surely be unbiased.

I'm voting republican 'cause I really like $4.00 gas, I think it should be higher. Exxon really needs more profits, according to them, they have a really small profit margin, much smaller than other companies. I really think they need to break some more profit records, $40,000,000,000 isn't enough. Most of their profits go to the little people anyway. Their CEO only made $400,000,000 last year, it's only 1% of their profits, I bet you probably made more than that off of your stock in Exxon last year right? He deserves to make about 5,000 times more than me anyway, he's that much better of a person. Plus, he should pay a lower percent of that $400,000,000 in taxes than me, he worked hard and deserves it. I'm just lazy, so I should pay more.

I think this video sums up the rest of the reasons (except for one, I talk about that below) that I'm going to vote Republican.

The final reason I'm voting Republican (and the reason a whole lot of others are too): Obama just has too much melanin in his skin. Let's be honest, he's a little dark for me. While my great grandfather had a lot of melanin in his skin too, I can pretty much pass for a whitey, so I'm going to take advantage of that. It's just too soon for someone like him to be in charge. Besides, he'll probably put a whole lot of other's with high melanin levels in charge of federal agencies. I mean, look what's happened to the State Department since Condoleezza "All Kinds of Melanin" Rice took it over.

So there you have it, I'm voting Rethuglican, and you should too...